by Tess Reidy
An empty home. A father living in a vehicle on the driveway, and a mother and three children placed in local authority accommodation. This hearing concerns a ten-year-old girl, let’s call her Holly, who refuses to have any contact with her father. He is no longer pursuing contact with the two older children, aged 16 and 18, who are not his biological children but for whom he has had parental responsibility since 2015.
In court, the father, dressed in a shirt and waistcoat, sits nervously biting his nails. The mother is behind a large blue screen that separates them.
The parents split up in 2022, and since then, the father has mostly lived in a vehicle on the driveway, and allegedly refuses to sell the family home. Since 2023, there have been countless accusations made by the mother against the father, including a serious incident of domestic abuse against the eldest child during an altercation when he was 16, which she says was the catalyst for the relationship breakdown. Not long after, the mother and children left the family home for temporary accommodation at a homeless hostel (Holly’s older half-siblings were too old for them all to be placed in a women’s refuge). Since then, there have been police allegations made of stalking as well as historical accusations of coercive control and sexual abuse of the mother. The list is long. The majority have been thrown out by the court at previous hearings, despite some being admitted or partially admitted by him, says the mother. There is debate between the parties over which of these are still under investigation by the police and the court needs to be updated on outstanding police matters.
The main purpose of this hearing is that the father is in court trying to reestablish his relationship with the youngest child. According to the mother, the court has decided there is no good reason for him not to have contact, and an expert clinical psychologist, who specialises in working with children and young people with a history of trauma and abuse, has been employed to help. Their report suggests that Holly has sided with her mother and her two half-siblings and will feel like she is betraying them if she says she wants contact with her father, says the mother. She is deemed to be key in convincing Holly to rebuild that relationship and the clinical psychologist is praised by the judge for assisting the two parties with a way forward. The father’s solicitor maintains there must be a plan to ensure Holly “no longer suffers emotional harm” and can enjoy a good relationship with her father. The father’s solicitor does a good job of framing the case as the mother is the one with the problem. The father is positioned as the victim in court. Whatever the case, there must be a way, it is said, for the mother and father to come together and agree on a narrative that will help her with this.
The suggestion is three to six weeks of work with the mother to help lower her anxiety around Holly having contact with her father, and work on an agreed-upon story to deliver to Holly to explain what is going on. How this will be facilitated is not clear. In the meantime, moving forward, there is a suggestion of an interim contact, with letters and gifts to be sent for special occasions to open up a line of communication so that Holly knows her father wishes to be in touch. With the father unaware of the family’s location due to stalking allegations, the guardian agrees to deliver them.
Costs are also a big topic. While the mother has legal aid, the father, who works in a public sector role and is no doubt spending thousands on legal fees, is keen to keep costs down.
As far as what happens next, ultimately, can you force a ten-year-old to see their father, and can a parent influence a child to want to see the other parent, especially one they are accusing of abuse? Equally, it is difficult to say to a ten-year-old child who does not want to see one of their parents, especially one that her older siblings do not want contact with, that they should. Is there an option to wait and think? Perhaps they could persuade them as they get older through the letters and gifts that the court is facilitating? It seems not.
With all parties seemingly in agreement that reunification can begin, the judge seems pleased that progress is being made. But with such conflicting positions from the mother and the father and a whole raft of allegations and denials still ongoing, this case is by no means over. Already, years have been spent in court, plus, of course, thousands of pounds washed away on solicitors’ fees. And yet, selling the family home is not on the agenda. So, for now, they continue with the next court date set, allegations left in dispute, a family split down the middle, and a home sat empty.
Published on 4th June 2025
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